字幕來源：CHD字幕組
后期：bongpong
當不幸... You know in life when...
降臨你的生活 when something disastrous happens,
你會開始回想每件事 you go back and replay everything
找出事情的起因 and you see where it went wrong?
當你試著把它理清 You're tryin' to figure it out.
你會篩選每一件小事 You're sifting through all the little things,
每一處細節 all of the details.
而這個盆栽 就是細節之一 One of the details was this house plant,
它是我從喬氏雜貨店買來的 which I picked up at trader Joe's.
另一個細節則是我買的這瓶殺蟲劑 Another was purchasing this bottle of poison.
緊接著... And then there was...
是這顆腎 this kidney,
一些安眠藥 Some sleeping pills,
銀行交易以及... this transaction at the bank and...
點擊瀏覽成人網站 clicking onto this adult internet site which
而這是令我樂此不疲 陶醉其中的 I had spent many, many hours enjoying.
但總而言之 But after all was said and done,
我的人生低谷卻始于一個美妙的日子 you could say my downfall really began On a fairytale kind of day
當我們夫妻開始考慮生第二胎的時候 when my wife and I started talking about having a second child.
房子這個問題就出現了 The thing was our house.
我們的房子只有兩個臥室 It had two bedrooms and we wanted to expand it
我們想著擴展一間來做育嬰房 to make room for a new nursery.
于是我來到 So off I went to
建筑施工安全局 the department of building and safety,
在那他們認為我的計劃不符合規定 where I'd be told that our plans were not up to code
然后又要我填了另一個表格 and be given this variance hearing request form.
變動許可申請表 Permit Variance Application
盡管我將獨自承受 And although I'm the only one to blame
你看到的這一團糟... for the whole big mess you're about to see...
但我還是希望他們能在早些時候 still I wish I'd known upfront
就先給我看看這盤起司和臘肉 about this plate of cheese and salami.
看起來不錯 Hey, lookin' good.
早上好啊 Lookin' good, guys.
干得好 伙計們 Muy bien, amigos.
細節
請大家安靜一下 好么 Can I have everybody's attention, please?
請安靜 Quiet, quiet, please.
我美麗的妻子想為這對幸福的家伙說些什么 My gorgeous wife would like to pontificate about the happy couple.
-謝謝 謝謝 -親愛的 -Thank you, thank you. -Sweetheart.
你們結婚都已經 Uh, you guys have now been married
都已經十年了 for ten years,
真是一段非常非常漫長的日子 which is a very, very, very long time.
非常非常非常漫長 Very, very, very long time.
-但又很和諧 -很美妙的日子 -In a good way. -In a great way.
然后 And,
我們非常真誠的祝福你們 We just really wanna say congratulations.
杰夫 你是... Jeff, you are...
我認識最久且最親密的朋友之一 One of my oldest and dearest friends,
你能如此幸福我真的非常高興 and I'm so happy that you're this lucky in love.
敬杰夫和妮莉 To Jeff and Nealy!
再續十年情緣 Ten more years!
妮莉 Nealy.
還記得我們22歲那年 Remember when we were twenty-two?
我們那時候一天愛愛三次呢 We used to f-u-c-k like three times a day.
你那時候說 What do you say,
當你把小家伙送進被窩后 when you get little buddy guy into his bed,
我們就要再次造人去 對嗎 we go relive our youth in ours?
那個 我... You know, I...
我吃了太多的那個 I had so many of those,
銅河鮭魚小吃 我只是... copper river salmon finger foods. I just...
我覺得我有點反胃 I really think I'd puke.
甜心 謝謝你點了我 Hey, babe. Thanks for clicking me.
我的名字是賈斯敏·簡 My name is Jasmine Jane.
我把自己幻想成了可口的水果 I think of myself as a tasty fruit
而我的愛好就是弄哭你的香蕉 and I would love to make your banana cry.
妮莉 Nealy.
到這邊來 Come here.
這是怎么回事 What did this?
不知道 No idea.
杰夫 你想這會是鼴鼠干的嗎 Hey, Jeff! You think maybe it's gophers?
妮莉 Nealy.
這是浣熊吧 It's raccoons.
早上好 朗先生 Buenas dias, senor Lang.
最近怎樣 阿爾瑪 一切順利 Hey, how's it going, Alma? You all right?
-我也要進去了 -你快要進去了 好吧 -I'm going inside, too. -You're gonna go inside? Ok.
難道你不先跟我說再見 我要走了 Will you say bye to me first? I gotta go
我要去上班了 I gotta go to work.
好吧 過的開心點 好嗎 All right, have fun today, ok?
-好的 -好 我愛你 -Ok. -Ok, I love you.
不好意思 Sorry.
嗨 崔西 Hi, Traci.
-嗨 朗醫生 -最近怎樣 -Hey, dr. Lang. -How you doin'?
-不錯 -真高興見到你 -Good. -Good to see you.
謝謝 Thank you.
投的好 醫生 繼續保持這樣 Good shot, doc. Keep takin' that!
醫生 你今晚打的真棒 狀態火爆啊 Hey, good playin' tonight, doc. You were on fire.
謝了 伙計 你怎么了 Thanks, man. What happened to you?
怎么看起來呆呆的 You were lookin' sluggish out there.
這個嘛 當你也50歲的時候你就習慣了 Well, that'll happen when you're 50
到最后我還被替換了兩次呢 and workin' double shifts to make ends meet.
如果你想看看誰比較壯 But if you wanna hit the weight room right now,
我們現在就到健身房去 we can see which one of us is stronger.
不不 我可不想對你趕緊殺絕 Oh... No, no, no, no. I don't wanna embarrass you.
好吧 醫生 All right, doc.
建筑施工安全局早上給我發了份通知 So we got a notice from the department of building and safety this morning.
說我們的改造申請在哪都不會被批準 It turns out the city wouldn't even consider our variance request.
是的但... Yeah. But...
我的回答是 去你妹的 I say screw it.
沒他們的許可我們也繼續動工 We go ahead without the permit.
好啊 但如果被他們抓到了呢 Yeah, but what if we get caught?
我是說 如果我們被迫拆毀重建的話 I mean, wouldn't we have to tear it all out and redo it?
這樣會超出一倍的預算 It would cost like twice as much.
我們肯定不會被抓到的 I'm sure we could avoid getting caught.
但如果我們的奇葩鄰居投訴呢 What if the whackadoodle neighbor complains?
奇葩鄰居 The whackadoodle neighbor.
我想我們能勸她不這么干 I think we can persuade her not to.
你好 Hello.
你好 朗醫生 Hello, dr. Lang.
-我剛剛在你家門口停下了腳步...-閉嘴 史蒂芬 -I was just stopping by... -Quiet, Steven!
對不起 Sorry.
沒關系 No problem.
好 我來這拜訪的原因是 So, the reason I was stopping by is
我們計劃要對我們的房子做些擴建 we're planning on doing a little home improvement next door
在這里我為會造成的不便向你們先賠個不是 and I wanted to apologize for any inconvenience in advance
這個是感謝你對我們的理解 and give you this as a token of my appreciation.
這盆花真漂亮 It's a beautiful plant.
好美麗的花 A lovely flower.
是啊 我費了很大力才選到這個最好的 Well, I really tried to pick out just the perfect one.
那么... Well...
我得趕緊走了 I should probably skedaddle.
再見 Bye.
看 是爸爸 Look! There's daddy!
注意點腳下 Watch your step.
等這些小王八蛋從樹上下來的時候 Now when these little suckers run down this tree...
我就聽著他們的聲響 I can hear them coming
跑出來嚇死它們 and I can run outside And scare the living S-H-I-T out of them.
很好 Great.
浣熊會到那邊去嗎 Are the raccoons up there?
爸爸認為它們會在那的 Daddy thinks they're up there.
所以爸爸才在那灑狼尿嚇唬它們 That's why daddy is spreading stinky coyote urine all over to scare them off.
讓他們以為這邊有一卡車的狼 Even though we've got tons of real coyotes all over the place.
事實上 這是山獅的尿 Actually, it's mountain lion urine.
在更高一點的食物鏈上呢 Higher up on the food chain,
這東西聞起來還挺香的 and I think it smells delicious.
也許我們應該 Hey, you know, maybe we should
造一些小路和小花埔 think about putting in a series of pathways and pocket gardens.
就像前面的那樣 like out front
但要保證那些浣熊不來破壞 and not give the raccoons anything to turn over.
滾 Go.
快放下 Drop that!
住手 Stop!
來啊 Come on!
王八蛋 Fucker!
嗨 醫生 Hey, doc.
林肯 你好啊 Hey, Lincoln, what's up?
大家都跑哪去了 Where is everybody?
不知道呢 醫生 Don't know, doc.
還沒人來呢現在 No one showed up yet.
照顧小孩累不累 How's the baby business?
-爽著呢 -是嗎 -It's good. -Yeah?
-是啊 -熱熱身吧 -Yeah. -Gotta warm up.
你最近怎樣 How's everything for you?
你還在酒吧工作 You, uh, you still workin' at that nightclub?
沒有了 Oh, no.
早就不在了 那邊太不和諧了 Quit that a while back, too much strife.
現在在采礦公司... Working for the, uh, manufacturers mineral company...
負責搬運石頭和沙礫 Hauling, uh, rocks and gravel.
挺不賴的 It's been cool.
我剛想問問你那衣服 上面寫著"萊納德" I was gonna ask you about that shirt, but it says "Leonard" on it.
那是我的名字 醫生 That's my name, doc.
林肯是我大學隊友給我取的昵稱 Lincoln's just a nickname my teammates gave me in college.
-籃球隊隊友 -是的 -Basketball teammates? -Yep.
他們有時會叫我"林克" They used to call me "link",
因為當我剛加入球隊的時候 because, uh, when I joined the squad,
伙計們說他們在團隊連接配合上很薄弱 fellas said they no longer had a weak link in the lineup.
后來改成了"林肯" Then that became "Lincoln,"
因為我帶領他們沖出了第三級聯賽的奴役 Because I led 'em out of the slavery of a third place team.
我還是挺驚訝的你居然是個大學生 I guess it doesn't surprise me you were such a stud in college.
是嗎 Yeah?
當我們第一次一起玩的時候 那時你既不老也不慢 When we first started playing together, before you got old and slow.
靠 該死的家伙 damn, man.
我認為你夠得上職業球員標準了 I, uh, I thought you played well enough to have been pro.
我差點就成職業的了 醫生 但還是未如愿 I almost did, doc, but it wasn't in the cards.
為什么呢 Huh. Why not?
好吧 如果你想聽我就告訴你吧 Well, I'll tell you the story if you want to hear it.
-肯定要聽的 -好吧 -Yeah, sure. -All right.
好球 Good shot.
那是我大二那年... It was my sophomore year...
當時我們隊兵強馬壯 and we had a real good team.
我是說 真的非常非常強 I mean, real good.
我們贏下了關鍵比賽 We had, uh, just won the big game.
直接顛覆了聯盟 Clinched our conference.
然后...該死 And, uh... Damn.
那簡直像一場夢 It was like a dream, doc.
非常真實的夢 Like a real dream.
最后他們遭遇了一起嚴重的車禍 They get in this huge car accident and that's it.
故事結束了 他的職業生涯也完結了 That's it. His career's over.
完完全全結束了 It's like over
那時間正好 正好就在他決心當職業球員的時候 and like right, right when he would turn pro, too.
就像 就像被火車撞成碎片了 It's, it's, it's like a crusher.
他也曾試過用纏滿繃帶的手繼續打球 He's always got these pieces of gauze taped to his arm.
但最終這可憐的人得了腎衰竭 Turns out the poor guy's got kidney failure.
上帝 Jesus.
就算能對一個人知根知底那么長時間 It's amazing how you can know someone for so long,
但你也不可能真正了解他 but you never really know 'em.
他現在渾身是傷 連牙都斷了 He's got these terrible, cracked teeth.
我在想要不要替他付錢找個牙醫 I was thinking about paying for him to go to the dentist,
我也不知道好不好 but I don't know.
好吧 如果他真那么熱愛籃球的話 Well, you know, if his passion's really basketball...
你跟羅恩的姐姐談談吧 You should talk to Ron's sister
她們學校好像有個教練的空缺 about that school she runs maybe they have a coaching job open.
這聽起來不錯 That's not a bad idea.
不好意思打擾你下 朗醫生 Sorry to bother you, dr. Lang,
那天你的工人拆道墻的時候 But when your guys broke through your wall the other day
那灰塵直接把我家給淹了 a bunch of dust got into my house.
我真的非常抱歉 I'm really sorry about that.
我還注意到你家的前廳正往我家這頭擴建 I also, I, I noticed that you're expanding your front room towards our house.
-是的 -我上網查了一下 -Right. -I looked it up for me on the internet.
建筑規范是應該至少留五英尺寬的過道 The code is to leave a five foot passage.
那我該怎么補償你 What can I do?
你現在看不到任何臟亂 You can't see it anymore because I spent hours
是因為我拿著白醋和刷子清理了半天 cleaning everything with white vinegar and a toothbrush.
但你看看電視還沒有擦過 But you can see it on the TV here.
我會讓他們盡快完工 Wow, well, I can have the guys working on my project come by
然后過來幫你打掃 and clean up for you.
我才不相信那些工人了 I hardly think that a, a laborer
怎么能讓拿著錘子鋸子的工人清掃我的屋子 who hammers and saws all day would know how to clean my house.
也對 你說的對 Yeah, you might be right about that.
但要清理這一切真的非常難 And this has been very, very hard on me.
你看 沙石塵土飛的到處都是 I mean, with all this dust just, it's just floating around.
看看 到處都是 看到了嗎 Just look! It's everywhere! See?
是真的到處都是 這里那里 看清楚了吧 It's everywhere! Here, you see it?
對了 你是個醫生 I mean, you're a doctor.
你也知道環境污染會導致疾病發生吧 You've heard of environmental illnesses.
當然 我知道這些的 Sure, I've heard of 'em.
所以我弄了這玩意 That's, that's why I keep this
用羅勒葉放衣領上 來凈化空氣 Basil leaf pinned to my lapel. It purifies the air.
我的按摩師說這能救我的命 My naprapath suggested it. It's been a lifesaver.
這樣吧 我愿付你一筆清潔費用只要你愿意 Well, I'm very happy to pay for a professional cleaning service if you need it
無論多少我都支付 Whatever the cost.
你把賬單給我 我會給你開支票 You give me the bill, I'll write the check.
只要你滿意就行 I just want you to be happy.
你人真好 That's very nice of you.
這沒什么 Not at all.
好吧 我想我該走了... All right, I should get goin', so...
-朗醫生 -是 -Dr. Lang? -Yeah?
我昨晚聽到了你... I heard you last night...
試圖嚇跑浣熊的聲音 Try to scare away your raccoons.
很抱歉吵到你 Oh, I'm sorry about that.
不會不會 That's ok.
反正我也睡不著 I don't sleep much anyway.
-你睡不著嗎 -也不是 -You don't sleep? -No.
我還是多少會睡一點的 但... I get a little every few weeks, but...
確切的說 我是個超級夜貓子 basically I'm a night creature.
我可以從辦公室給你拿點安眠藥樣品 I could get you some samples of ambien from the office.
也許會有些幫助 It might help with that.
-可以這樣嗎 -當然 -Really? -Yeah.
這樣吧 You know what?
我回家時把它放進你的信箱里 I'll drop 'em in your mailbox When I get home from work.
妮莉 Nealy!
弄這東西快把我的手燒著了 This stuff is burning the skin of my hand just touching it!
我覺得有只浣熊要回到這來 I doubt a raccoon is gonna come back here.
就在他用鼻子爽完了這個之后 After he snorts up a nose full of this.
那個...我今天在網上看到有人... So... I read online today about this guy...
他家的草坪上放了個木桶 he sticks a barrel into his grass
在里面放了塊牛排 到了半夜... and he throws steaks in, and during the night,
浣熊就自己跳進去了 the raccoons, they jump in,
最后它發現自己爬不出來了 but they can't climb out.
接下來那人從車子的排氣管接了條管子出來 He runs a hose from his garage out of the tailpipe from his car,
蓋上蓋子 用尾氣熏死了這些浣熊 he sticks a lid on and asphyxiates them.
你知道嗎 我不想一周五天晚上都討論這個 You know, I really don't feel like talking about this five nights a week.
不好意思 我不是故意煩你的 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bore you.
我們應該重新做個無草皮的設計 We should re-landscape without sod,
我一直都這么認為的 like I keep telling you.
你知道1500英尺的草坪 You know, fifteen hundred square feet of grass
和一個新的灌溉系統有多么貴么 and a new irrigation system was expensive.
你就不能先把這事放一邊嗎 You just don't throw it away.
請不要用這口氣跟我說話 Please don't use that tone with me.
我就是好好說的 I didn't use any tone with you.
好吧 你不要否認 說了就說了 Ok, don't deny using a tone when you use a tone.
我耳朵沒聾 我知道我聽見了什么 I'm not crazy, I know what I just heard.
我又沒說你是聾子 I didn't call you crazy.
但你的語氣表達出了你是這么想的 But you implied it, though, didn't you?
別說我分辨不出你語氣來 As if I'm not sane enough to judge your tone of voice.
-也許你就是瘋了 -對 -Maybe you are crazy. -Oh, oh, right.
你終于說出實話了 now the truth comes out.
好 你想要聽聽實話 Well, you want to know the truth?
對啊 當然 讓我聽聽心里話 Yeah, sure, I love the truth.
好 事實就是你是個瘋子 行了么 Ok. The truth is, you are the crazy one, ok?
-對 是啊 我就是個瘋子 -跟那些浣熊一個樣 -Right, yes, of course I am. Yeah. -With these goddamn raccoons,
你他媽的就是一個十足的蠢貨 you are acting like a complete fucking deranged moron.
我他媽的現在就是一個十足的蠢貨 Now I'm acting like a fucking deranged moron?
你他媽的小聲點 Keep your fucking voice down.
你他媽的才應該小聲點 You keep your fuckin' voice down.
你敢吵醒邁爾斯 Don't you dare wake up Miles.
就這樣 太棒了 This is it! This is perfect!
這就是你想要的 不是么 This is just what you want, isn't it?
-你這話什么意思 -你就是想把我逼瘋 -What is what I want? -You want me to get crazy.
-這樣你就能說我瘋了 對吧 -對啊 目的達到了 -So you can remind me of how crazy I get... -Oh, mission accomplished!
我才不給你道歉了 when you make me apologize to you!
你就是個臭狗屎 You're crazy with your fucking indian pepper bullshit!
是我在草坪上給兒子干活的 I'm working on our fucking lawn for our son!
-什么 -我是瘋得不輕 -What? -But of course I'm the crazy one!
是啊 這些事你都不用負責啊... And of course you have no fucking responsibility...
一點都不用 at all in this fight!
知道么 以后你只能陪浣熊睡了 You know what, just go fuck one of your raccoons!
比起你我更愿跟浣熊睡呢 More likely than fucking you!
杰弗里 很高興見到你 Hi, Jeffrey. Fancy meeting you here.
這是給你清潔服務費 Here's for your cleaning service.
謝謝 Thank you.
你來的正是時候 Oh, your timing's impeccable.
給你個驚喜 進來吧 I have a surprise for you, come on in.
我是想進去坐坐 但我要去上班了 I'd love to come in, but I've gotta get to work.
進來吧 Come on in.
又不會吃了你 I won't bite.
在這等下吧 稍等 Now just wait here, just a sec.
好的 Ok.
我在市場買了一些頂級藍莓 I found these really great blueberries at the farmer's market the other day
令我很想烤些蛋糕 and it inspired me to do some baking.
來... So...
希望你喜歡吃派 I hope you like pies.
你不必這么客氣 Oh, you didn't have to do that.
是啊 但這些藍莓實在太棒了 Well, the blueberries were so beautiful,
我肯定要搞些什么的 I had to do something with them.
你知道嗎 這很好吃的 Did you know they're a superfood?
而且 表皮是不含谷膠的 And, and the crust is gluten-free
我一點面粉都沒用 which means I didn't use flour.
直接拼接起來了 I used spelt.
順口一提... By the way...
現在我的睡眠好多了 I'm sleeping so much better,
謝謝你的神奇小藥丸 thanks to your magic little pills.
好 這是個好消息 Oh, that's good to hear.
對了杰夫 你有沒有見過馬修 And Jeff, you haven't seen my Matthew
它給鄰居們惹了不少麻煩吧 wandering around the neighborhood, have you?
我的貓 My cat.
-你的貓 -它昨晚沒回家 -Your cat? -He didn't come home last night,
但好在貓有九條命 But you know how cats are, nine lives and all.
話說 我打算買個迷你攝像機 Actually, I was thinking about buying a miniature camera
裝進它的項圈里 and attaching it to his collar
這樣就能知道它都去了哪里 to see where he skulks around to.
-這倒是個辦法 -對吧 -Oh, that's, uh, an idea. -Yeah.
謝謝 Thank you.
寶貝 謝謝你的來信 Hey, babe. Thanks for writing.
我真想見你一面 I really would love to get together with you
找個時間我們去做按摩吧 one of these days for a, uh, a rubdown.
真希望早點見到你 Hope to see you soon.
當我們要見面的時候 And if we do get together,
別忘了帶上你的朋友一起... don't forget to bring your friend...
瑪麗·簡 Mary Jane.
麗貝卡 下班后看看能不能給我做個精神治療
你出了不少汗啊 You're sweating.
是啊 我走過來的 Well, I walked here.
我盡量快的到這來了 I tried to get here as fast as I could.
話說你還好嗎 怎么了 Is everything all right? What's goin' on?
沒事 只是想找個朋友談談天喝喝小酒 Yeah, just needed to talk to a friend and have a drink.
-你不想嗎 -當然好 -You want one? -Of course.
我十二歲后就沒拒絕過你的邀請了吧 Have I ever said no to that question after twelve?
那么我們要聊點什么呢 So what are we talkin' about here?
我們來說說... We are talking about...
出軌 infidelity.
我想你在這方面應該經驗豐富 I believe you have some experience with that.
好吧 我出軌過 Yes, I do.
怎么 你這個圣母先生也想出軌了 Uh, is mister virgin mary being unfaithful?
不 No.
倒不是什么不忠 Not unfaithful.
嚴格上來說不是 Not technically.
但我一直和女孩們在網上聊天 But I have been emailing with girls on the internet.
網上的女孩啊 Girls on the internet.
好吧 那是網上的哪種女孩呢 Ok, what, what kind of girls on the internet?
色情按摩師 Sensual massage therapists.
等等 你說的是妓女吧 Oh, you mean whores?
可以這么說 I guess.
好吧 這樣 我認為 Ok, well, I think
與妓女上床 that sleeping with a prostitute
"技術"上來講就是不忠了 "technically" counts as being unfaithful.
不不不 重點是我并沒有和她們上床 No, no, I am not sleeping with them, that's the point.
我只是和她們在網上打情罵俏 I just get off on flirting with them online.
然后就沒有下一步了 I don't go through with it.
但說實話 我確實這么想過 Though truthfully, I do think about it.
你上一次和妮莉上床是什么時候了 When was the last time you and Nealy had sex?
-那次只能算是敷衍了事 -真的 -It was make-up sex. -Really?
是的 Yeah.
想知道詳情嗎 Do you wanna hear about it?
-是啊 當然了 -好吧 -Yes, of course. -Ok.
好吧 當時我在網上找些刺激 well, I was fuckin' around online,
就是找些黃片啊 調戲調戲網上的小妞 you know, looking up porn, checking out my internet chicks,
我的網絡妓女 my net whores.
-天啊 我就是不學好 -是 你就是個壞小子 -god, I never learn. -No, you don't.
好吧 好吧 All right, all right.
總之 過了幾小時 Anyway, a few hours later,
妮莉給我打了個電話 I get a call from Nealy.
-她居然在看我的郵箱 -不是吧 -She's read all my emails. -No!
真的 怎么說呢 她是有些生氣了 Yeah. Suffice to say, she is not too pleased.
當然 我實在無法脫身去跟她當面解釋 Of course, I can't leave to go talk to her in person.
我給病人做了一夜的手術 My patient's labor's going on all night
于是第二天一早我送了些花到她店里 so the next morning, I have some flowers delivered to her store
上面還附著一首爛透的情詩 with a very cheesy love poem.
當我到家的時候 她還在店里 But when I finally get home, she's still at her shop,
于是我跑跑步讓自己換換腦子 so I go for a run to clear my head
我決定給她來個浪漫的晚餐 and I decide to make a whole romantic dinner for her.
一切進展的挺順利 It was going great.
看上去我們溝通的不錯 It seems like we were really communicating
但突然她變得很古怪 until she just gets weird.
很激動 很嚴肅 She gets really emotional, really serious,
然后她說了些話 比如 and then she says something like,
"我也想出去找個陌生人上床" "I think about going out and fucking other people, too."
我也不明白 太奇怪了 I don't know, it was so weird.
太詭異了 It just gets weird.
她轉身走開了 She turns and she runs off and
然后我們就做了 we end up doing it.
那次做愛 大概好像是... You know, having sex, and that was like,
六個月前的事了 six months ago.
好了 別笑了 Well, don't laugh.
為什么不 這太有意思了 不是嗎 Why not? It's funny, right?
-只對你有意思 -這很滑稽好吧 -Maybe to you. -It's hilarious.
但我不怎么笑得出來 But who am I to laugh?
我大概有一年沒跟彼得做愛了 I think it's been like a year since Pete and I fucked.
這地方真讓人沮喪 This place is depressing.
你說要是我們... What do you, what do you say we
多點幾杯然后帶走怎么樣 order a couple more and take 'em to go?
走 走 快走 快走 Go, go, go, go!
你想酒保有在盯著我們嗎 Do you think the bartender's on to us?
我們必須快點閃 We have to make a quick getaway.
不 不 不 不要拿著酒杯上去 No, no, no, not with open alcohol.
來吧 我們去逛一圈 Come on, let's walk around a bit.
-今天這日子不錯 -好吧好吧 -It's a nice day. -Ok, ok.
走 All right.
你家的浣熊怎樣了 So what happened with your raccoons?
還是快把你逼瘋了 They still driving you crazy?
對 事實上... Yes. In fact,
我在考慮要不要買支槍 搭個帳篷 I was thinking about buying a gun and camping out,
它們一靠近就開槍 on my roof to shoot them.
彼得有把槍 Pete has a gun.
你可以找他借來 You could just borrow it.
真的嗎 他有槍 Are you serious, he has a gun?
真的 你可以用它把那些兔崽子轟成碎片 I swear to god, you could blow your varmints to smithereens!
你介意我坐進去不 Mind if I get inside?
不介意 別讓他知道就行了 這是他的寶貝 No, just don't tell him. It's his precious.
這當然是個寶貝 Yeah, of course it is.
-裝子彈了 -是啊 -Is it loaded? -Yeah.
還沒啦 No.
我檢查過兩遍了 I double checked.
知道么 我還從沒拿過槍呢 You know, I have never held a gun before.
真的 Really?
拿著會讓你覺得有氣場嗎 Do you feel macho?
對 就像《私家偵探瑪格儂》那樣 yeah. Like magnum, P.I.
你說過的 向時光致敬 What do you say, for old times sake?
這就是精神科醫生的人生啊 The life of a psychotherapist.
-你過的真不錯 -我過的不錯 -So lucky. -Am I lucky?
當你診所給你打來急診電話 if you get called into your office for an emergency,
你所要做的只是跟病人談談就行了 all you have to do is talk to one of your patients.
所有的醫學院我們都有去玩過吧 I think we went through all of medical school high.
也許還真是一個不漏 Maybe we did.
不過有點記不清了 I just can't seem to remember.
當網上的妓女說她們吸毒的時候 When the net chicks say they're 420-friendly,
我就真被她們搞定了 that's when they really get me.
是嗎 Really?
是啊 Yeah.
從前我喜歡在飄飄然的時候做愛 I used to love screwing while stoned.
那是一種很自由的感覺 I found it to be very freeing.
但不幸的是 Unfortunately for me,
自從妮莉懷孕后 since Nealy got pregnant,
只要提到大麻兩個字 她就抓狂 just the idea of marijuana makes her paranoid.
來吧 跟我一起動起來 快點 Come on, come on with me, right here.
-就現在 快點 -不要 -Right here, come on. -No.
我有一個...不 I have... No.
-我有我有一個主意 -什么什么什么主意 -I, I, I, I have an idea. -What, what, what?
我有個點子 I have an idea.
什么 是什么 What? What?
你應該把這個帶回家... I think that you should take this home...
然后嗑起來 and smoke it.
聽我說 Listen to me.
你應該躺床上去... I think you should climb in bed...
好了 拿著這個 再帶上個煙管 Ok, take this, and lay some pipe.
聽起來不錯 但不現實了 Sounds like a great idea, but that will not happen.
為什么 Why not?
單單是這個味道 Just the smell of it,
單單 單單就只是這個味道... just, just the smell...
就會讓她發瘋的 it just makes her uptight.
那就去外面抽吧 她不會知道的 So smoke it outside. She won't even know.
為您查找地獄的方位 Searching for hell.
仍在查找中... Still searching.
你好 你好 我的名字叫莉莉斯... Hello. Hello, my name is Lilith...
我的名字叫莉莉斯·瓦瑟曼 My name is Lilith Wasserman
我打電話想報案我的貓 馬修... and I'm calling about my cat, Matthew...
它失蹤了 who is missing.
來 小家伙 Ok, little man.
給媽媽來個擁抱 親她一下說"我愛你 Give mommy a big hug and kiss and say, "I love you.
我給你送早餐來了 驚喜吧" 好吧 Brought you breakfast. Surprise!" Ok?
快 快 就現在 Now, now, now!
你好啊 Hello.
你好啊 早上好 Hello, good morning.
在床上吃早餐 Breakfast in bed?
謝謝 謝謝你 Thank you. Thank you.
我是世界上最幸福的女人了 I'm the luckiest girl in the world.
只要你想就可以在床上吃早餐 You can eat the breakfast if you want.
可以嗎 你也想來點么 I can? Do you wanna have some, too?
好啊 Yeah.
好啊 要來點藍莓么 Yeah? You want a blueberry?
我已經吃了一個了 I already had one.
我能聞聞這花嗎 Hey, can I smell this flower?
當然可以 Absolutely.
林克 Hey, link!
醫生 Hey, doc.
你怎么來這了呢 What the heck you doing here?
-來找你 -真的 -Lookin' for you. -Seriously?
我想告訴你些事情 I want to talk to you about something.
你專程來礦山告訴我些事情 You came all the way out to the mineral plant to talk to me?
我今天放假 車程又不遠 I had the day off. It's a short drive.
好吧 很高興見到你 Well, it's good to see you.
希望我的話不會冒犯到你 Well, I hope you won't be offended by what I'm about to say.
好吧 你想說什么呢 I don't know. What are you about to say?
好吧 是這樣 我給你找了份工作 Well, look, I took the liberty of contacting
我朋友的朋友在中學上班 a friend of a friend who runs a middle school.
那學校不錯 很注重體育發展 It's a good school with a serious athletic program.
但球隊的教練離任了 Turns out a coach over there is leaving
如果你愿意他們會面試你來接任 and they'd love to interview you if you're interested.
我希望沒冒犯到你 I hope that's not insulting.
不 醫生 Oh, no, doc.
我有點...感動 I'm... Touched.
我能問下為什么要幫我么 Mind if I ask you why you're doing this for me?
我只是... I just...
我想我只是喜歡這么做 I guess I just felt like it.
這個... Here, um...
這是那個教練的名字電話 Here's the coach's name and number.
他正等著你的電話 He's expecting your call.
我的號碼也在上面 順便記下吧 My number's on there too, just in case.
謝了 醫生 Thanks, doc.
朗醫生 Dr. Lang!
朗醫生 朗醫生 Dr. Lang! Dr. Lang!
朗醫生 Dr. Lang!
你把這個忘在我車里了 I think you left this in my car.
彼得 你進來說... Pete, you wanna go in...
沒什么好說的了 There's nothin' to talk about.
貝卡已經承認了 Becca's already spilled the beans.
我以前還教你怎么弄蒜香醬呢 我的天啊 I taught you how to make pesto, for god's sakes.
你居然睡了我老婆 You sleep with my wife?!
別在這里說這些... I can't talk about this here...
對不起 真對不起 我非常抱歉 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
麗貝卡 我是杰夫 要緊事 快回電話 Rebecca, it's Jeff. It's urgent. Please call me back.
來了 Hey, there.
很抱歉不能讓你進到我辦公室里談 I'm sorry you had to see that back in my office.
我不知道你都聽到些什么 I'm not sure what you actually overheard.
能告訴我你到那是干什么嗎 May I ask what you were doin' there?
我要給你看些東西 I need to show you something.
是什么 What is it?
不 不 Oh, no, no.
我能為你做些什么嗎 Is there anything I can do for you?
陪我唱唱歌 Sing with me?
-唱歌 -陪我一起唱 -Sing? -Sing with me
為什么 Why?
它是只多好的貓啊 He was so wonderful.
它想要的只是玩耍 All he wanted to do was play.
我真想有人能抱我一下 I could really use a hug.
好了 都過去了 It's ok. It's ok.
全都過去了 There you go.
杰弗里 Jeffrey?
你知道索妮亞·費茲派翠克嗎 Do you know Sonya Fitzpatrick?
-不 -她是電視上的寵物靈媒 -No. -She's a pet medium on TV,
她有一套私家訓練法 But she has a private practice.
我的第一只約克犬 馬克斯死的時候 And when my first yorkie, Max, died,
她讓我重燃養寵物的信心 于是... She gave me a lot of comfort. So...
于是 當... So when...
當我最終 when I finally
找到馬修的尸體時... found Matthew's body...
它蜷成一團 wedged like,
就像垃圾殘骸一般... like a piece of debris...
在垃圾回收站旁邊 between the recycle bin and the garbage.
我打電話給她 你知道她怎么說的嗎 I called her, and do you know what she said?
說了什么 What?
它死時... As he was dying...
處于極度痛苦之中... in excruciating pain...
它一直在等著我 He was wondering where I was.
好了 它已經解脫了 Well, he's, he's at peace now.
也許吧 Maybe.
但也許仍徘徊在黑暗虛無的深淵里 Maybe he's lost in the dark swirling abyss of nothingness.
我真的很難過 I'm sorry.
我真的非常難過 萊拉 I'm really, really sorry, Lila.
那當然了 你當然要感到抱歉 Of course you are. Of course you're sorry.
因為是你用來毒浣熊的藥毒死它的 Because you poisoned him trying to kill your raccoons.
算了 It's ok.
我知道你不是故意的 I know you weren't trying to hurt him.
你只是盡力想讓... You were trying to make it...
你家的后院舒適整潔 nice and pretty for your family in the backyard.
我敢打賭你老婆... I bet mrs. Nealy Lang was...
她看見草坪被毀得亂七八糟都快瘋了 I bet she was really upset that her sod was all messed up.
我想... I bet...
她肯定是逼著你... I bet she put a lot of pressure on you...
去修復它 to fix it.
我來告訴你一個秘密吧 Can I tell you a secret?
-解開了一個 -不要 -Open. -No.
請別這樣 我真的對這事很抱歉 Please. I am sorry for your loss,
但我是你的鄰居 而且已婚 萊拉 But I am your neighbor and I'm a married man, Lila.
你還忘了說你很討厭我 You forgot to mention that I disgust you.
沒有 No.
沒有... No...
不用騙我 你就直說吧 Don't lie to me, just say it.
-真的沒有討厭你 -"已婚男人" -That's not it. -Oh, "married man"?
"已婚男人" 拜托 "Married man"? Please.
你就是個齷齪的花花公子 You're a dirty philanderer.
還很愚蠢 You're stupid, too.
你看 你到處都是破綻 What, you're just leaving clues around for somebody to find.
注意點 Careless!
你想被曝光嗎 Do you want to be caught?
也許你是活該 Maybe you should.
活該被曝光 Maybe you should get caught.
我只要跑到街上去 Maybe I should go out on the street
到處大喊大叫幾句 and I should scream it for the world to hear
杰弗里·朗醫生就是個騙子 弒貓兇手 that dr. Jeffrey Lang is a cheating, cat-killing liar!
你懂的 這是觸犯法律的 You know, it's against the law
你殺害了這國家里的貓貓狗狗 to kill wildlife in this state!
律法第１０章第１３２６條 Statute ten-dash-thirteen twenty-six.
你會被判入獄6個月 You could do six months in jail.
我不知道自己到底在干嘛 And I don't know, I don't know.
我為什么會這么干 I don't know what to do here.
我感到... I'm feeling very...
頭非常暈... swimmy...
看到這個尸體 swimmy with death
這些沙塵... and saw dust and...
還有在半夜施工的建筑工人 power hammers in the middle of the night.
我們從沒在半夜施工 We didn't do any construction in the middle of the night.
管你的 我怎么會知道 Well, how would I know
你用奇怪的藥丸弄得我整天昏昏沉沉 when you gave me those bizarre pills that doped me?
抱歉 Excuse me.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
原諒我吧 I'm sorry.
我不是有意朝你嚷嚷 I didn't mean to shout at you.
只是... I just...
馬修的事快把我逼瘋了 I'm very upset about Matthew.
我能理解 Of course you are.
現在最重要的是... The main thing is...
我要找個方法 I wanna somehow find a way
來補償你 to try to make it up to you.
這樣 接下來幾天 So in a few days,
當你感到悲傷的時候 When you've had a chance to mourn,
我們可以喝杯咖啡聊聊天 we can get coffee and discuss it.
-這是好主意 -好的 -I'd like that. -Good.
-我喜歡這主意 -好的 -I'd really like that. -Good.
好了 好了 那現在... Ok, great. Now...
-朗醫生 -什么 -Dr. Lang? -Yeah?
這些天我一直做個有趣的夢 I had a really funny dream a few nights ago.
你和我一起住在一個小村莊里 You and I, we lived in the countryside.
英格蘭的小村莊 In England.
我們騎著馬到處逛 And we rode horses everywhere.
我的馬... And mine was a...
對了 是匹白色大種馬 Oh, he was a big white stallion
有著銀色的鬢毛 with a silvery mane.
而你的是一匹漂亮的阿拉伯馬 And yours was a beautiful arabian.
我們在森林里... and we were in the forest...
夕陽西下 and the light was dim,
我們一起飛奔著 and we were galloping past each other,
互相追趕著彼此... we were passing each other by when we both...
我們讓馬停下來 we made our animals stop.
我想 你也許會說那只是個夢... I mean, I know you could say it was just a dream...
但是... but it...
之后發生的事... What happened next felt...
讓我感覺非常真實 it felt very real to me.
那么...如果你愿意 And... If you would
我給你看看我在夢里做過的... like me to show you what I did...
你 你也不必非得心甘情愿 You, you don't, you don't even have to agree,
只要...只要不拒絕 just... just don't disagree.
那樣就好像是... And then it will be like...
你什么都沒做過一樣 you're not doing anything at all.
我不會讓你惹上麻煩的 I wouldn't want you to get in trouble.
天啊 Oh, god.
我的上帝 Oh, my god.
繼續 快... Yeah, that...
等等 Wait.
別停下 Don't stop.
我感到你的...越來越大了 I feel you... getting bigger.
不 不 我希望你射在里面 No, no, I want you in me.
不不不不不不不 No, no, no, no, no, no.
射進來 Inside of me!
我操 Oh, fuck.
好了沒 Ready?
看是誰來了 Look! Who's that?
-爸爸回來了 -小家伙 -Daddy's home. -Hey, buddy.
好可愛 Very cute.
彼得·馬佐尼今天到家來了 Peter Mazzoni stopped by the house today.
彼得·馬佐尼來咱家了 Peter Mazzoni stopped by the house?
對 他說你們在一起 Yeah. He said you guys were
商討著些什么 working on some deal together?
是的 對啊 Right, yeah.
他想要我投資他的新餐廳 he wants me to invest in a new restaurant of his.
-真的 -是啊 是啊 -Really? -Yeah. Yeah.
好吧 感覺那家伙能點石成金 well, everything that guy touches turns to gold.
也許我們是應該認真考慮一下 Maybe we should consider it.
是啊 也許吧 Yeah, maybe.
你朋友找你 Friend here to see you.
好的 謝謝 珍 All right, thanks, Jen.
我等下就有空了 杰夫 先坐一會 I'll be with you in a minute, Jeff. Have a seat.
那么... So...
現在是下午了 Afternoon.
我聽說你來我家了 I heard you stopped by my house.
是啊 沒有法律禁止我去你家 對吧 Yeah. There's no restraining order on me yet, is there?
-你想干嘛 -我想干嘛 -What do you want? -What do I want?
我想使勁干你老婆 I wanna fuck your wife up the ass
當著你兩歲孩子的面把你剁成碎塊 while your two year old watches me hack you into bits.
我本來是這么想的 That's what I want.
但我還是決定放棄了這想法 I've decided not to do it.
好吧 Ok.
不過 我現在要你做個抉擇 Instead, I'm gonna offer you a choice.
你馬上拿起這個電話 You pick up this phone, right now,
打給你老婆 告訴她你的所作所為... you call your wife and you tell her what you did or...
或者給我十萬美元 or you give me a hundred thousand dollars
作為我的封口費 In cash for my silence.
-謝謝你來見我 -不客氣 -Thanks for meeting me. -Of course.
我死定了嗎 So am I fucked?
你怎么想的呢 What do you think?
我想他是一個... I think he's a...
來自新澤西的意大利人 an italian guy from New Jersey
所以特喜歡威脅別人 Who likes to back up his threats.
余額總計 27229.04美元 Total $27,229.04
那個... So...
你今天去見彼得沒有 Did you end up meeting with Pete today or what?
-去了 -去了 然后呢 -Yeah. -Yeah? And?
發生什么了嗎 What's the matter?
希望沒讓你等太久 I hope I didn't keep you waitin' too long.
我剛迷路了 I got a little lost on the way.
沒事的 No problem.
很抱歉 我沒湊足全款 I'm sorry, I couldn't get it all.
自從我們買了房子后就沒存下太多錢 We haven't saved much since we bought our house
但我還是能弄到7萬5千元 but I was able to get seventy-five thousand
這樣不會碰觸到我們房子的股本錢 out of our home equity line.
你為什么要這么做 Why in the world did you just do that?
有句俗話說得好 You ever hear the old saying,
"碰運氣 各取所需" "you pays your money and you takes your choice"?
沒聽過 No.
好吧 那你現在明白了 Well, now you have.
順便一提 貝卡和我完了 By the way, becca and I are done,
所以你可以自便了 so feel free to go take advantage
無論怎么玩都隨你了 and poke around that cumhole all you want
老子不在乎了 'cause I don't care anymore.
我給過你選擇 我有讓你抉擇 杰弗里 I gave you a choice. I gave you a choice, Jeffrey.
你本可以告訴你老婆真相 You could've told your wife the truth
而不是來這見我 instead of meetin' me here.
你本可以繼續做個好人 You could've been a good guy,
但你沒有 but no,
你是個懦夫 you're a rat,
和我老婆一樣 just like my wife.
你這骯臟的懦夫 You're a little punk rat,
看看你自己吧 膽小如鼠的懦夫 a boy man rat. Look at you.
好好看清自己吧 Just look at you.
你為掩蓋事實 And you deserve a lot worse
寧愿讓這么多錢打水漂 than losing some petty cash to the skagit river.
你知道么 當我發現了你的所作所為 You know, when I discovered what you did,
我本想宰了你的 I was gonna kill you.
但是我知道 But then I remembered
我不是那種人 I'm not that kind of man.
我如果犯了錯 I'm the kind of man who makes a mistake
我會想著去彌補 and then makes amends.
我曾經有過一次酒駕 I'm the kind of man who got into a drunk driving accident
那次差點害死了一個小孩 and nearly killed a kid,
但我有找律師為我做無罪辯護么 but did I get some fancy-pants lawyer to get me off scot-free
就因為我沒有超速就為我辯護 'cause I was just below the legal limit?
我祈求他們的寬恕 I prayed for forgiveness,
我承認有罪 and I pled guilty.
法官判罰我 And when the judge ordered me
賠償那孩子的家人100萬美金 to pay a million dollars to the kid's family
還要關我一個月 我有逃避嗎 and he sent me to jail for a month, did I stop there?
我沒有 我開始幫助其他人 No. I started helping people.
志愿者活動 Volunteering.
慈善事業 Philanthropy.
這全因為我就是這種人 'Cause that's the kind of guy I am.
你應該也認為自己會是個好人 You may wish you're that kinda man,
但你沒有 but you're not.
你就是個混帳的家庭破壞者 You're a scumbag home-wrecker.
你破壞了我的家庭 杰弗里 You wrecked my home, Jeffrey.
你破壞了我的家庭 You wrecked my home.
我本可以一個電話就破壞你的 And I could just as easily wreck yours with one phone call.
但我不需要這么做 But I don't need to do that.
因為你就是那種... Because you're the kinda guy
自食其果的人 who's gonna fuck it all up himself.
林肯 最近如何 Hey, Lincoln, how are you?
很好 非常好 Very good, very good.
猜猜怎么著 我得到那份工作 醫生 So guess what? I got the job, doc.
真的啊 這真是個好消息 No kidding, that's great news.
實際上 我明天就開始上班了 Actually, I start tomorrow.
這周末我們要慶祝下 And to celebrate, this weekend my wife and I
我們夫婦認為應該請你們一家吃頓飯 were thinking we could have you and your family over to dinner.
林肯 這是什么聲音呢 What's that noise, Lincoln?
我正開著透析儀呢 Oh, I'm all tied up to my dialysis machine right now.
這破東西經常噪音通天 Damn thing starts makin' noises for no good reason sometimes.
還在嗎 Hello?
有聽到嗎 Hello?
謝謝你來看我 醫生 Thanks for visiting me, doc.
沒人來這看我 Nobody ever visits me here.
當然 Of course.
希望你不介意我問個問題 So I hope you don't mind me askin',
你的醫生有跟你說過嗎 那個... I was just wondering what your doctor says in terms of, uh,
還有多久你才會得到腎臟移植 how long it is before your kidneys fail?
就這幾年吧 如果我命好 A couple years, if I'm lucky.
他們是這么說的 So they say.
但我感覺自己還是很強壯 But I'm feeling strong,
我是這么認為的 And the way I see it,
上帝能用七天就創造了世界 If God can create the earth in seven days,
那為什么我不會幸運的 why can't I get lucky
在這一兩年就遇到我的新腎呢 and find myself a kidney in the next year or two?
醫生 Hey, doc.
我沒讓你感到沮喪吧 I hope I didn't depress you with that.
今天可是個好日子啊 Today's a really good day.
是啊 當然了 I know, yeah, yeah, of course.
-敬醫生 -敬醫生 -To doc. -To doc.
你是個圣人 A saint.
我才不是圣人 Oh, not a saint.
至少 在我看來你是 Well, in my book you are.
而且還是個籃球高手 And one heck of a basketball player.
你現在說的 Oh, now are you just saying that
-都是在逗他玩吧 -我給你解釋下 -To make him feel good? -Well, let me tell you,
如果你老公懂得防守 If your husband understood how to play defense,
跳投再好點 長高到6尺9 had a better jump shot, and was about six foot nine,
他將在NBA大殺四方 he'd be killin' 'em in the nba right now.
介意我們做個餐前禱告么 you mind if I say a prayer before we eat?
當然不了 Of course not.
偉大的主 "Dear heavenly father,
感謝你賜予我們食物 we thank you for the food that's been prepared before us".
滋潤與鞏固我們的身體 "For the nourishment and strengthening of our bodies."
以耶穌之名 阿門 "In the name of Christ Jesus, amen."
阿門 Amen.
好了 我們開動吧 All right, you guys can eat.
可以遞給我鹽和胡椒粉嗎 May I have the salt and pepper?
你還沒跟我說說你的球隊呢 So you haven't told me how the team is yet.
醫生 你絕對想不到那些女孩有多強 Doc, these girls hustle like you wouldn't believe.
隊里也有幾個天才少年 And there's some talent on the team, too.
這樣很好啊 Oh, that's great.
非常棒 Really great.
但我跟你說 But I've gotta tell you,
我最高興的是 what I like the best about it is
孩子們現在終于以父親的工作為榮了 my kids are finally excited about something their daddy does.
謝謝你 醫生 Thank you, doc.
你把這一切變為了可能 兄弟 You made this possible, bro.
你改變了我的人生 醫生 You changed my life, doc.
為什么安吉拉不能給他捐腎呢 So why can't Angela donate?
她有先天性心臟病 Oh, she has some kind of congenital heart defect,
一個手術可能會要她的命 which means an operation would be risky.
他現在看上去很滋潤也很健康 He seems so alive, you know, and healthy.
但他在等待移植名單上太靠后了 He's so far down on the list to get a transplant
這可不是開玩笑的 it's not funny.
我知道你可能覺得很荒謬... I know it's kind of an absurd thought, but...
我想給他捐腎 why shouldn't it be me?
看這 我做了些調查 Here, I've been doing a little research.
活體器官捐獻 "living organ donation."
好吧 看來你是認真的 Ok, you're serious.
你看來已經認真考慮過了 You've been thinking about this for a while.
是的 我有想過了 Well, a bit.
這實在是... This is...
有些突然了 this is amazing.
我只是 有點 有點擔心 I'm just, I'm, I'm worried,
如果將來邁爾斯需要你的腎臟呢 Uh, what if Miles needs your kidney one day?
我想我們應該去做個檢查來確定下 Well, I thought that we could do a test to make sure both
你們兩個都有健康的腎臟 you and Miles have healthy kidneys,
還有 and if so,
手術的風險是不是很小 the risk is incredibly small.
我同意去做些檢查 I'm not opposed to doing some tests.
實際上 我認為這真是個很棒的主意 I actually think it's a really wonderful thought
去做些真正無私的事 To do something truly selfless.
你不會后悔吧 You weren't expecting this.
很好 跟上 快跟上 All right, there you go, there you go.
好 跟上節奏 伙計們 Ok, pick up the rhythm, guys.
做的不錯 很好 很好 現在換另一邊 All right, good, good. Right back to the other side.
林肯 Lincoln.
醫生 干什么來了 Hey, doc. What are you doin' here?
都還順利嗎 How's it goin'?
非常好 女孩們表現得很好 It's goin' great. The girls are great.
真好啊 那個 Yeah. Uh,
我帶來了個好消息 I come bearing some good news.
我就喜歡好消息 You know I like good news.
那天在你家晚餐過后 After dinner at your house,
我老婆和我談論到你的 my wife and I were talking about your
你的健康狀況 your health situation.
長話短說吧 And um, long story short,
過去幾周我們都在研究腎臟捐贈 the last few weeks have been all about kidney donation
我們做了些調查 也探討過 and we have researched it, talked about it,
經過一系列的測試 我們最終認為 done a bunch of tests, and we came to agree
這是一件可以做的好事 that it was the right thing to do.
我已經給你的醫生打過電話了... So I called your doctor and...
老天 等等 whoa, wait a minute.
你說的和我想的是一回事么 Are you saying what I think you're sayin'?
我倆配型非常吻合 林肯 We are a perfect match, Lincoln.
包括血型等等 所有方面都吻合 The same blood type, everything.
太好了醫生 Doc, yes!
天啊 你到底是誰 Man, what am I lookin' at?
在我眼前的難道是個天使 Am I looking at a man or an angel?
女士們 女士們 集合一下 集合一下 Ladies, ladies, hold up, hold up.
這是我的朋友 朗醫生 This is my friend, dr. Lang.
他決定把他的腎捐給我了 And he's gonna give me one of his kidneys!
我可以繼續活下去了 I'm gonna live!
休息下吧 Take a break guys.
我的老天啊 Oh, man.
手術刀 Scalpel.
海綿 Sponge.
止血鉗 Clamp.
繃帶 Ligature.
剪刀 Scissors.
你老爸在那邊 There's your daddy.
說不定他還沒醒呢 抱歉 I don't know if he's awake. I'm sorry.
小家伙 你好么 Hey, little guy. What's up?
-你好 醫生 -你好 -Hey, hey, doc. -Hey.
-這樣就好了 謝謝 -好的 -I'm good, thanks. -All right, sir.
我心里暖和和的 My heart is warm.
我從你那得到了太多的愛 醫生 I got so much love for you right now, doc.
把手給我 Gimme your hands.
我很高興一切順利 林肯 I'm so glad this worked out, Lincoln.
我也很高興 醫生 So am I, doc.
我也是 So am I.
我的牧師今天早上來看我 My minister came by to visit me this morning.
我們一直談論著你創造的這個奇跡 And we were talking about what a miracle it is, what you did,
他想為你的所作所為給你一份榮譽 and he had the idea to do a special service in your honor.
我不需要榮譽 I don't need to be honored.
不能讓你白做這么大的犧牲 醫生 Wouldn't be for your vanity, doc.
這會很好的促使我們的教眾 It'd be for our congregation,
促進他們去力所能及行善 to inspire them to do their own charity work.
我覺得這是毫無壞處的 I think it would be, you know, painless.
不過 你不想來的話... But if you'd prefer not to...
不 我一定會去 No. I'll do it.
聽起來不錯 Sounds like a good idea.
是的 It is.
我把這盆羅勒給你帶來了 I brought you this basil plant.
這醫院的環境不行呢 These hospitals are so toxic.
好多的病菌 So many germs.
謝謝 你是... Thank you. So...
你怎么知道我在這的 how'd you know to find me here?
你上報紙啦 You're in the paper.
不會你還不知道了吧 What, didn't you know?
你真是為他做了一件偉大的事 What a wonderful thing you did for him,
救他的命 幫他找工作 這一切的一切 Saving his life, getting him the job, everything.
不用懷疑...很長一段時間內 No doubt... You will reap the positive karma
你都會因這件事得到善果的 of this for a long time.
那個...說到善果 Um... Speaking of karma,
有件事我必須要說 there's something I need to tell you,
它會讓我遭到命運的報應 which may slam the karmic wheel of fate down on me hard.
我知道不該這么做的... I know I shouldn't have done it...
當馬修被毒死之后 But after Matthew was poisoned
那時我們還沒... and before our...
那個你懂的... you know...
我一時沖動就打給了 I was seeing red and I called
建筑施工安全局 The department of building and safety
告訴了他們你房子的事 and told them about your construction.
昨天 他們終于還是來了 Anyway, they finally came by yesterday
他們...在你的門上貼了這個 and they... They put this on your door.
勒令停工
我真的非常抱歉 杰弗里 I am really sorry, Jeffrey.
我 我... I, I...
也許也會這么做 probably would've done the same thing
如果是你殺了我的貓的話 If you'd killed my pet.
還有一件事 There's something else.
我懷孕了 I'm pregnant.
是你的 With your baby.
你怎么想的我懂 I know what you're thinking.
你無須擔心 But you don't need to be worried.
我會處理好的 It's all gonna be all right.
總會有辦法的 It will all work out.
沒有解決不了的事 Things always do.
不 不是所有事都能解決的 No. Things don't always work out.
你想要我墮胎 是嗎 You want me to kill it, don't you?
杰夫 我們需要談一談 萊拉致
我要進屋去了 I wanna go in the house.
我們一起進去 We're goin'.
好的 Ok.
我曾想過自己動手修理 I thought about fixing it myself,
但事情不盡如人意 but it just didn't seem worth it.
別擔心 這是脫卡咖啡 Don't worry, it's decaf.
我不會讓我的孩子 I, I would never poison our baby with a
受到濃咖啡的毒害 double shot of real espresso.
都說這會導致自閉癥 They say it can cause autism.
我班門弄斧 你可是個兒科醫生啊 Then again, you're the baby doctor.
那個 我能問下嗎... Hey, can I ask, um...
你能百分百確定是懷孕了嗎 Are you one hundred percent certain that you're pregnant?
是的 Yes.
我驗尿驗了兩次 我可是尿了兩次哦 I took the test twice, I peed twice,
-就是為了確認一下 -萊拉... -Just to make sure. -Lila...
你是真心覺得的 Do you really think, in your heart,
這樣做好么 that this is the right thing to do,
你真覺得我倆有個孩子是個正確的選擇么 For you and I to be having a baby together?
我非常堅信 這本身就是一個奇跡 Oh...Absolutely. It's a miracle.
-這不是奇跡 -就是奇跡 杰夫 -No. -Yes, Jeff.
-我感覺到生命在我體內生長 -不是 萊拉 -I feel the life growing inside of me. -No, Lila,
-我能感覺到她在綻放 -萊拉 別這樣 -I can feel it Blooming. -Lila, please.
-像花朵綻放般生長著 -萊拉 拜托 你看看... -And blossoming and growing. -Lila, please. Lila. Look...
萊拉 你他媽是哪個星球的人 Lila! What fuckin' planet do you live on?!
在任何情況下 我都沒有辦法也不可能 There is no way, no chance under any circumstance,
和你生個孩子 that I'll be fathering a child with you.
杰弗里 我希望你能明白 Jeffrey, I want you to understand
當我們的小家伙誕生后 that once our little one is born
我不會奢望得到贍養費之類的任何東西 I'm not expecting child support or anything like that.
我只希望孩子長大后可以知道他父親是誰 I just want our little one to grow up knowing his father.
你仔細考慮考慮 這沒什么不好 And if you think about it, it's perfect.
你的小孩就在你的隔壁 The little one will be right next door.
你隨時都可以來看望她 You can come by and visit any time you like.
你就把自己當成是一個熱情的叔叔 You can be like the charming uncle
然后...你的老婆永遠都不會知道 and that... that wife of yours never has to find out.
她不會知道的 She won't know.
再見 Bye.
待會見 See you later.
我沒有醫療保險 I... I don't have any medical insurance
所以也許 so I thought maybe
你可以幫幫我 you could help me out.
你不會做出什么 You wouldn't put anything up there
傷害孩子的事吧 that would hurt the baby, would you?
不 我肯定不會的 No. I wouldn't do that.
這個是不是意味著... Does that mean...?
他是活著的 It's alive.
真倒霉 醫生 Dang, doc.
你被這個女人完全控制住了 That's a pretty tight spot this woman's got you in.
醫生 我媽媽曾說過 You know, doc, my mother used to say,
"對牛彈琴 永遠無用" "It's impossible to reason with an unreasonable person."
你和這個女人現在就是這種情況吧 I think that's what you're dealing with, with this woman here.
我們根本達不成共識 I can barely see straight.
你肯定猜不到我現在是怎么打算的 And the things I'm thinking, you, you couldn't imagine.
是什么 Like what?
這一天來... Like all day...
我無時無刻都想要她去死 I'm fantasizing about her dying.
我想象過上百種她慘死的方法 I must've imagined it a hundred different ways.
其實昨晚 我做了那樣的一個夢 Actually, last night, I had a dream about it.
在夢里實現愿望了嗎 醫生 A wish fulfillment dream, huh, doc?
差不多吧 I guess so.
怎樣的 What was it?
挺荒謬的 It was ridiculous.
有兩個橄欖球員 There were these two football players
跑進我家旁邊公園的樹林里 runnin' through the woods in the park by my house
那是我平時慢跑的地方 where I sometimes go jogging
每天傍晚 我都看到她帶著小狗在那散步 and I see her walking her little dog every night at dusk.
他們就在那片樹林穿梭著 They're just galloping through the woods
穿戴著全套比賽裝備 in full game day uniforms.
他們中的一個猛的扔出了球 One of 'em hurls a ball through the air.
那球的樣子 As it sails,
就像離弦的箭 I realize it's an arrow.
把她的腦袋打開了花 It splits her head wide open.
當我醒來的時候整個人都放松了 I woke up totally relieved.
但我很快意識到那只是個夢 Until I realized it was just a dream.
我有毛病 Sick, huh?
都會好的 醫生 It's gonna be all right, doc.
會好起來的 It's gonna be all right.
梅雷迪思打過來說 Meredith just called and said
彼得和麗貝卡要離婚了 that Peter and Rebecca are getting divorced.
在不太遙遠的從前 "Once upon a time, but not long ago,
一對母女在河邊洗衣服 A mom and her girl were folding washed clothes.
突然間 媽媽意識到了有事發生 When suddenly, mom noticed something amiss.
一些奇怪 瘋狂 又神秘的事情發生了 Something weird, something crazy, a real mystery this!
襪子哪去了 Where are the socks?
媽媽皺著眉頭問 Asked mom with a frown.
我找不到襪子 I can't find them up.
我找不到 I can't find them down.
你有看到我的鑰匙嗎 Hey. Have you seen my keys anywhere?
沒有 沒看到 No, I have no idea.
你有檢查過你的錢包嗎 Uh, have you looked in your purse?
當然了 沒在錢包里 Yes, of course I looked in my purse.
你出門的時候沒帶在身上吧 You didn't take them with you when you left the house
今天早上 你有帶上嗎 this morning, did you?
沒有 邁爾斯的玩具箱里有么 No. What about Miles' toy box?
還記得他把遙控器放在那了么 Remember when he hid the remote in there?
天啊 不要 不要 Oh, please, please.
我 我已經懷 I, I have a...
求你別這樣 Please don't do it.
求你了 別這樣 Please. Please.
你好 Hello?
-杰夫 -寶貝 -Jeff. -Hey, honey.
今天我回家吃午飯的時候 So I come home for lunch today to find out
看到咱們那個奇葩鄰居 that our whackadoodle neighbor
被弓箭射死了 Got herself shot dead with a bow and arrow.
就死在離咱那不到一公里遠的公園里 It happened in the park. Less than a mile away.
警察現在一戶戶盤查 The police are now going door to door.
像給今晚的慶祝派對澆了冷水 Sort of puts a damper on tonight's celebration,
不是嗎 Doesn't it?
感謝你 上帝 Thank you, Jesus!
感謝你 Thank you.
那是架飛機 你知道的那是飛機 That's a plane, you know what that is.
不 是那個 No, that.
那個 我不知道那是什么 Oh, that? I don't know what that is.
太令人感動了 That was pretty moving, huh?
現在 現在我們要去哪 Where, where are we going?
我讀醫學院的時候做過弊 I cheated my way through med school.
什么意思 What?
作弊條 很復雜的 Cheat sheets. Very elaborate,
在小紙條上寫好字放在每個口袋里 written on little pieces of paper in every pocket.
我小時候有個醫生 When I was a kid, I had this doctor
醫生把我的水痘誤診成了皮炎 who misdiagnosed my chicken pox as dermatitis.
我差點就死了 I almost died.
我告訴過你嗎 Did I ever tell you that?
沒有 No.
我那時在醫院里 While I was in the hospital,
媽媽和奶奶坐在我旁邊 my mother and grandmother were sitting around,
我記得奶奶講 I overheard my grandmother say,
好吧 也不是所有的醫生都是神醫 "Well, I guess not all doctors made a's."
現在 我也成為一名庸醫 Turns out, I became one of those doctors.
我是一個會臨時抱佛腳 I am a "study at the last minute,
勉強及格 投機取巧 slide-by, path of least resistance...
操蛋的三流醫生 Fuckhead, c-plus" doctor.
你是一個好醫生 You're a great doctor.
看 Look.
不...杰夫 No... Jeff!
你在干什么 What are you doing?!
杰夫 停下來 不要 Jeff, stop! Don't!
不要 Don't!
快停車 Stop the car!
我的上帝 Oh, my god!
停下來 快停下 不要 Stop it! Stop! No!
你嚇死我了 You are freaking me out.
發生什么事了 What is going on?
我上過麗貝卡 I fucked Rebecca.
什么 What?
我告訴你這事并不是為了傷害你 I don't mean to hurt you telling you this.
我只是試著 I'm just trying to
告訴你一個事實 tell you the truth for a change.
麗貝卡·馬佐尼 Rebecca Mazzoni.
-我只上過她一次 -好吧 很好 -I only fucked her once. -Oh, great. Good.
但被彼得發現了 But Peter found out.
與此同時 In the meantime...
我不小心 I accidentally...
毒死了萊拉的貓 poisoned Lila's cat
那藥本來是對付浣熊的 trying to get the raccoons.
全發生在同一天 All in the same day.
她跟著我到辦公室要質問我馬修的死 She followed me to work to confront me about Matthew...
也就是她的貓 that's her cat
然后彼得來了 and Peter shows up
他來跟我攤牌麗貝卡的事 to confront me about Rebecca.
萊拉一句話沒說就走了 And Lila takes off without saying a word,
后來我去問她來這干嘛 so when I go to see what she wanted...
她靠了過來 she comes on to me.
-她的頭迅速的靠了過來 -我的上帝 -And she goes absolutely fucking ballistic. -Oh, my god.
-在我耳邊暗示著什么 -我的上帝 -Threatens to tell you everything and... -Oh, my god.
有幾句話在說我想和她上床 I guess a part of me wanted to have sex with her
我是曾經有過 Because I did.
妮莉 Nealy...
這還都不算什么壞事 so far this has been the good news.
她 那個 She, uh...
她懷孕了 She got pregnant.
誰懷孕了 Who got pregnant?
萊拉 Lila.
天啊 Oh, god.
什么 What?
居然一次就中標了 The chances of it happening that one time
她已經那么大歲數了 At her age are...
我 I...
什么 What?
我藏不住秘密 不吐不快 But here comes the kicker.
但我又不知道找誰傾訴 I didn't know who to confide in.
后來我去找了 So I visited...
林肯 Lincoln.
我們坐了會 We're sitting there...
我告訴了他 and I mention to him
一個我做過的夢 a dream I had...
萊拉被一支箭給射死了 where Lila's killed with an arrow.
我的天啊 Oh, my god.
我的上帝啊 Oh, my god.
妮莉 我只是向他傾訴了一下 Nealy, I was just venting to him.
我的上帝啊 杰夫 Oh, my god, Jeff.
-我并沒有要他這么做啊 -上帝啊 -I didn't ask him to do it. -Oh, my god.
但他就這么做了 But he did it.
這是真的嗎 這操蛋的事就這么發生了 This is real? This really fucking happened?
真是上帝啊 杰夫 Oh, my god, Jeff!
耶穌基督圣母瑪利亞 Jesus! Jesus!
我真不知道我為什么會在笑 I don't know why I'm laughing.
真不知道 I don't know.
你他媽別再靠近我了 Don't fucking come near me.
其實我也和別人上過床 I fucked somebody, too.
之前我們有次因為浣熊大吵了一架 Before that, that big fight we had about the raccoons.
就是那些蠢浣熊 Those stupid raccoons.
我就這么跟別人上床了 I was fucking somebody.
這幾個月我都在出軌 I was having an affair for months.
有六個月了 Six months.
他是一個客戶 He was a customer.
我幫他挑衣服 I helped him pick out fabric.
一件藍色的燈芯絨 It was blue corduroy.
他在街的另一頭那酒鋪工作 He worked at the wine shop down the street.
他給我帶了些起司和臘腸 He'd bring me plates of cheese and salami.
但都結束了 It's over now.
好的 Ok.
好吧 就這樣吧 Ok. Yeah.
就這樣吧 好吧 Yeah, ok.
老天給我什么報應都是應該的 I deserve whatever I get.
你認為會得到什么報應 What do you think you deserve?
也許會有鋼琴從天而降砸死我 Probably for a piano to fall from the sky and crush me.
入獄 Prison.
你會離開我 You leave me.
說不定還會失去我的兒子 Maybe lose my son.
我不知道 I don't know.
我他媽殺了人 I fucking killed somebody.
我是有責任的 I'm responsible.
我必須要負起責任來 I'm responsible.
你看我都干了些什么破事 Look what I did to this fuckin' thing.
你還愛著我嗎 Do you still love me?
愛 Yes.
我是說 I mean...
我也不理解 I don't understand.
在我做了這么多蠢事后 After everything I've done...
我他媽就一蠢貨 I was such an idiot.
我撒了謊 欺騙了感情 I've lied and cheated.
是的 Yes.
對 我還愛你 Yes, I love you.
我不知道要怎么辦 I don't know what to do.
我... I, uh...
你告訴我該怎么辦吧 Tell me what to do.
走吧 Let's go.
-嗨 -你好 -Hi. -Hello.
玩得開心嗎 Did you have a nice time?
邁爾斯怎樣了 How's, uh, how's Miles?
邁爾斯睡得很沉 Miles is very asleep.
-這樣好 -謝謝 -Good news. -Thank you.
晚安 Good night.
現在咋辦 What now?
自首 Turn myself in?
林肯去自首 Turn Lincoln in?
我不想毀了 I don't want to ruin
我們的生活 杰夫 the life we've built together, Jeff.
我不想 I don't wanna...
傷害其他人 毀掉一切 hurt everyone, destroy everything.
那是什么意思 What does that mean?
如果我們把他供出來... If we turn him in...
他的孩子會失去父親 his kids grow up without a father,
安吉拉會變成單身母親 and Angela's a single mom.
而邁爾斯會在這些陰霾下成長... And Miles grows up with this...
他腦子里每天都會充滿稀奇古怪的事 Cloud of murder and weirdness over his head,
最好的情況不過如此 and that's the best case scenario.
最壞的情況是... The worst case scenario is...
陪審團不相信你的故事 a jury doesn't believe your side of the story
這樣你也是坐牢 and you go to prison, too.
難道你想要每天躺床上時 You think we're gonna be laying in bed
都要夜不能眠的談論這事 with insomnia talking about this
直到我們都八十歲的時候 when we're eighty years old?
我想我們會談論這事 I think we're gonna be talking about this
好一陣子了 for a long time.
我們將會不停的翻舊帳... We'll talk about it and talk about it...
直到有一天... until one day...
我們決定不再提了 We'll decide not to.
然后我們會擔驚受怕好多年 And then we'll worry silently for years.
也許我們不會這樣 Maybe we won't make it.
也許我們會因內疚而爭吵 Maybe we'll implode with guilt.
也許那才是會發生的事情 Maybe that's what should happen.
又或者 我們能挺過去 Or maybe we'll make it through.
最終... And eventually...
這事將會被淡忘掉... this will fade away...
就像一場夢一樣 and it'll seem like a dream we had.
這不是夢 It was true.
所有的事都會有完結的一天 Everything that had happened would eventually
終將成為一段回憶 become a distant memory.
但是 在這之前 However, before that occurred,
我發現自己來到了警察局... I'd find myself going to this police station...
思考著也許我應該走進去 thinking I should probably walk in
去坦白一切 and come clean.
想著如果我沒這么干 那么... Thinking if I didn't, then...
說不定我會遭到更大的報應 then I probably deserved whatever the worst was
那就是被整個世界否定掉 That the universe could deal me.
但是...到頭來... But... In the end...
實際上... in reality...
我只是起身回到了家里 I'd just get up off that bench and go home.
當夜幕降臨 在我們的破草坪上 And at night, with our grass gone,
浣熊照樣會來 the raccoons kept their distance.
也沒有聰明人想出點子抓住它們 No one got caught and no one was the wiser.
而生活... And life just...
依舊向前 went on.